Like an Arrow…

Photo: Since I’m using the arrow analogy, here’s a pic of a fantastic little (Meadowood?) arrowhead my colleague found on a large historic site we worked on in Kingston, ON, tucked underneath a historic box drain. Sharpie for scale.

I have not had a good year.  A variety of reasons have all added up to 12 months of anger, frustration, disappointment, and sadness.  I’ve lost a lot of my pride and love for myself.  There have been some great things that have happened, but it’s become easier and easier to slip into the mind set where only the negative stuff stands out.  There are some good days, where I can distract my mind and forget about all the crap and just be happy.  And then there are some really awful days where all I want to do is cry and shout “woe is me”.  And when I’m in between projects that have become victims of the dreaded “hurry up and wait”, as I am right now, it’s easy to have a lot of bad days.

They (I have no idea who ‘they’ are) say, “An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.  When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to launch you into something great”.  I’ve decided my life is like an arrow.  I’m tired of being negative and disappointed and angry and sad.  I’m tired of feeling like I’m disappointing not only myself, but the people around me as well.  I’m tired of leading those people to question whether my hard work is worth it or not.  And I’m tired of questioning that myself.  It’s time I started preparing myself to launch forward into greatness.    I want to gain my pride and my self-love back.  This blog is definitely helping me with that.  Taking a look at my C.V. and everything I’ve accomplished so far is helping me with that (yeah, I’ll secretly be a little pretentious about it).  My husband and my parents and their constant amazing support of my endeavors is helping me with that.  And looking forward at my year to come is probably the greatest help of all.

August will be marking what is basically the 12 month mark of when all my troubles began.  But this year it’s also the turning point.  I’ve been invited to be part of an amazing archaeological project in BC (the shíshálh Archaeological Research Project), which starts August 2.  I had an opportunity to help out with this project last year through volunteering my time in between CRM projects, but this year I’m officially part of the team.  Not only will I get to help out with some amazing research on some super cool excavations, but I also get to be part of the field school crew for the University of Toronto’s 2016 field school, to help supervise and train and hopefully inspire future archaeologists.  Then, once the field school ends at the very end of August, it’s on to another great adventure – starting my Master’s degree at the University of Toronto.  It’s been over 4 years since I graduated with my Bachelor degree, and getting a MA has been my goal for that entire time.  It’s exciting to know that it’s finally here.  And with it comes many open doors for career options, which is just as exciting.  August is the turning point for many, many good things to come.

We all have bad days and self-doubts.  We’re all entitled to them and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.  But we also have choices as to how we deal with those bad days and self-doubts.  We can let them consume us and drag us down further and further into a giant pit of despair.  Or we can choose to build a ladder and climb up and out of that pit, without any stigma attached.  I’m choosing to keep on building that ladder.  Like the arrow, I’ve been dragged back far enough and now I’m ready to spring forward.

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